No matter who you are, different forces pull you apart. Man verses nature (Katrina) Should I stay or should I evacuate? Authenticity verses acceptance, the drive to stand out artistically or fit in and be accepted. Sometimes the pull is how deep can I take a subject before it becomes unhealthy? Leave it alone or push further?
Sometimes the wisdom and answers are worth it. Sometimes the pain and torment isn't. Sometimes the answers are one in the same. Surround yourself with strong, supportive wonderful women. Be like a thirsty sponge and soak up all they offer, then support and uphold strength in the women in your lives. And, all things considered, limit exposure to toxic substances- gas fumes, radiation and people. Thats the point... end of story.
But, then again, if we stopped our thinking processes there, art would never happen :) Art happens when you continue and push further, shove against the seed hull, plant thought provoking roots that burst forth out of fertile ground into the moist, sunny air.
"The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance."
-- Aristotle (384-322 BC)
Its one thing to understand what causes a thing, a phenomenon, but its another for that reason to justify its being. Understanding why someone can hate someone else cannot excuse the cruelty~ no matter what drive it was caused by. (My theory, society villainizes the drive without understanding, but the drive itself isn't evil and understanding it is key to knowing what is poisonous to the psyche... ignore it at your own peril. To stifle drives is to remain ignorant sheep in a world of wolves.)
Its so hard to realize that sometimes, in real life, there really is no justification for something- no matter how understandable it is. Think about it all day long, but it doesn't make it any better. Hate it as it is, fight the helplessness that erupts within, but the allmighty IT just *is*- as annoying and wrong as it feels.
What got my hair kinked up is sexism~ not the man against woman variety or the other way around, but this is a hatred of women from other women. You've seen it most likely whispered over sugary desserts under frilly hats in churches, lunches with your sisters' friends, the visit with the auntie that really gets on your nerves. Hopefully not from your Mama, but sometimes from there, too. Many times, this comes across as envy, but it is poison to the sacred self at both the loudest and most silent ways no matter from what direction because what is said about one woman's success is a stab at all women's successes.
I ran into someone who just couldn't believe I made this website. I was angry~ learning from it to stay away from this person, but the sadness of the situation still effects me. Its not that one thing, many other barbs have been thrown at other women just shoot around her conversations, having to do with successful women who should submit to some masculine authority.
Her past tells the story of why women end up being the eternal villains. In her world, being on the same intellectual level as men- or your personal man- is evil, more than a faux pas. Maybe in her world her significant other can't handle the competition? Maybe this is the safety net. Painful sounding, sad.
I wondered if she was really ok with a limited existence... and how many of us fall prey to the same cage. What do we cut off to make someone else feel good? To muffle insecurities. What has Stephen given up?
Gotta admit, I've dumbed down, how about you? Probably will again without even knowing it. Get around someone you know needs to feel needed and maybe even macho--- and you step back and let him put up the painting for you. Its just thought of as being polite~ but is it, really? And sincerely, as brilliant as I think Stephen is, I would hate to be limited by him. He loves me and would hate that, too.
Either way, the question inevitably came up that maybe it has something to do with generation, age, social class, societal values or the like. Yes, maybe so... some of it. But not enough to justify it or to lessen its insidiousness. We're not that different in any of the above, but she does like to blame it on that I'm an artist- ooooh, you know those crazy artists ;o)
Oh, and YES I am. All that and more. Been a construction worker (welder, pipefitter's helper, firewatch, holewatch, cutter, ect) and the fight with the men for the right to put food on the table in that manner was an uncoordinated dance at best. Other things, too, but life feels like its just starting. There's more to come.
I am humbled to tears by strong women, stories Lisa tells of Annie, her Grandmother- a pioneer stewardess on some of the first airlines and a photographer, too; how her Mom picked up the tab and ran with "the pants" when her parents split- and she's an old fashioned southern Lady, too, so that couldn't have been easy. Lisa picked up the backbone and "the pants", taking care of 3 kids and damn well, I might add. My mom, splitting from a controlling and abusive man who took her self efficacy and esteem, to give the same strength of character to the women at AA for 20 years.
Jackie Webb, Donna Joseph and Betty doesn't know how much they've given me and others by just being there to allow thirsty sponges to stand nearby, learning from example.
But the painting that keeps popping up is the one about the bird caged by the things she believes are true, things she's been told. The topic just keeps popping up: when doing the research for last Thursday's therapy session, authentic self and self esteem, the question sang out~
Who were you before other people changed you into who you were not?
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