Just remember, Jesus was a rebel, too.
Some wonderful things have been happening recently. Little and some not so little coincidences have been occurring more often than not~ for those of you who don't know, I'm a person of very strong faith. Sometimes my tastes/choices may appear to be at odds with faith, but in actuality, it is a testament to my belief that a loving Creator has made me who I am, experiences, tastes and all.
Either way, the forging continues and I'm blessed to see the alignments move together to work out in ways only Faith can illustrate. If fear is the opposite of faith, I must have been in hell. It was such a dark period- strike that, a LONG, dark, bleak period- that still my interior is trying to understand. Through the confusion, I've come to a place where I can be grateful. Not for all of it because the pain was so intense... but I'm here to say that my strongest understanding of God has come from being WAY pissed off at God.
The idea might not be thought of fondly, especially if God is thought of as the father figure that needs to be coddled to be accepting (or otherwise try to not bruise his ego) but the truest measure of faith might be to show your ugliest and know that you will still be loved wholly. Nothing I can do will jeopardize this. Nothing you can do, either. I don't understand the pain~ maybe Jesus didn't, either in his case, except that maybe I needed it to be moved in the direction that I needed to go. Lord knows I was a stagnant recluse before this. Maybe Creator knew what type of stubbornness s/he was up against and then perpetuated the motivational flame under my butt?
The force had to be greater than the opposition, didn't it?
I don't understand all the things my Creator has- or had- in store for me, but it is true that I jump before the net is there and somehow I'm caught, safely. Even when I'm convinced nothing's there and am so low that I don't care if SPLAT is what happens next.
But this faith has gotten second nature and it, the net, appears- magically- for this, my gratitude is as immense as the stars in the sky. Just somehow it seems that the exact moment when something is needed, it is supplied~ its no secret to me what is going on, God is working (as always) but in more obvious ways~ recently. Its gotten so that its commonplace, like a best friend popping over. "Oh yeah, that's God. Hadn't ya'll met? He's here all the time."
Case in point--- the beautiful, warm hearted Tracy from MS Art Supply donated a watercolor paint palette, and the need for it popped up the next time I was at the GCWCFNV. They just had a new person arrive, who was a watercolorist... Most of the time in a situation like that, women leave their abusers with only the bare necessities~ those of us from the coast aren't unfamiliar to leaving in a hurry--- mandatory evacuations aren't unusual to us. But what if the hurricane was your husband and he was the category 5? Catastrophe being inevitable, you have to leave your house, lose what you've worked for (or else you'll die) to grab what you can and leave. Your beloved watercolors, if he's allowed you to have something to love besides him, is overtaken in the surge of fear and left by the wayside. Maybe even destroyed from the fury of him having no control over you anymore.
So, I had left the watercolor palette at home the day I met her. Thought of her, but didn't say anything because the center has a quick turn around, so no one ever knows if the same folks will be in one group from the next. But sure enough, there she is at our next session.
So here she is and I'm getting the palette out of the bag... now get this- it was her birthday. Who could have arranged such a perfect coincidence? God was making sure that she had something to hold onto, no matter what or where she was. Ack, it makes my eyes tear up every time I think about it.
This is a small series of coincidences, but God is in the details, remember? Denise Williams and I are talking about what needs to be done for the Moss Point high school students. Just a conversation, how much stress are you under, girl? This needs done, tell me about it, that needs done and oh- yes, I need to call so and so. Damnedest thing- she says, "you know, I need to go to Lowes and get some of that lumber pieces they have left over for drawing boards." I say, "Well, thats funny, Stephen and I have to go to Lowes in about 10 mins to get something for the shed. I'll ask for you when I get there-"
We chuckle and move on. She says, "There's a nice lady in Gautier, Magnolia framing gallery, and she said we could have her pieces of scrap matt board."
"Thats funny," I say "I've got to go there Wednesday and I'll ask her then, too." A raised eyebrow!
Then, we get to talking about Tuesday being art club day. I'm scared, thinking of how I'm going to get the kids' art classes going and this, too. Guess what? Apparently the club is supposed to happen because attendance is down and this leaves room open for moving on to older students. Coincidences, coincidences.
The lumber is ours for the taking, thanks to manager Ryan :)
Went by Magnolia framing and Mary was out sick :( But I'll be back over there this upcoming week.
OK--- here is the end all be all. For years the number 333 comes up for me. Folks joke about it with me that its half of 666, but for me, its a sacred trinity- three of threes. The star of creation has 2 triangles, a third one if you add the tertiary colors. I woke up at 3:33 a.m. three times in a row. My Dad's fema trailor had 333 on its side and the GCWCFNV's P.O. Box is... you guessed it... 333.
So, I guess I'm supposed to work there and that is what spurred me onto do what I'm afraid of most for them and the cause I believe in, public speaking. At one of their conferences- Stormy Seas- I go do "Art therapy and how it heals and helps traumatized people to communicate". Its on this website somewhere :)
So, I get there and do my thing. Pretty good, too, I couldn't believe how it felt like something else took over and I got into it and just let it "flow". The response was wonderful and I felt high.
A while later, I met Donna's (from the rec center) sister Tonya for the second time (those of us with "artist brain" know how this is possible) and--- come to find out--- she was at the conference. I didn't know she even knew about it. She didn't know I did this type of thing. Hey, neither did I.
So, we got to talking and come to find out she is also a Believer like me, saw odd things like me, and she was moved by what I said and wanted to write about my experiences in her book... she was looking for an artist to do a cover for her book and just knew if she waited long enough that one would come along. Lo and behold, there I am. Sure enough, ya'll, here it is. This is an awesome cause and a wonderful lady~ her heart is as large as all the oceans put together and I'm honored to have met her and had something worthy to contribute.
Tonya Moye's Book, From the Heart of the Broken
But then one of the most influential, loving and accepting people in my life came to be in this manner, too. What a thing that we would meet up? On the day that I was at the Art House in Ocean Springs, this nervous natured petite lady came in and was asking about a tutor for her daughter. I wanted to do it soooooo bad, but this was back in the day before the upswing out of depression. I didn't know if I could finish it once it started, didn't know if I could keep up. She gave me her number, it was obvious she felt my apprehension and was wanting me to feel at ease- and I did, not something that happened too often then.
So, months later (yes, it took that long to gain courage) i called and then went over there to meet Annie. After one meeting, it was obvious that she'd get into MSA (Mississippi School of Art) without much help from me, but what I could do was offer what a college professor would be looking for in a portfolio. ZOOM without question, Annie got in!
come to find out, in many ways, Lisa and I have much in common. In other ways, she's been a mentor, supportor and (ha ha) instigator. She might even talk me into Motherhood.
These folks have evolved into family. Who knew one day that someone can evolve into someone indispensible in your life? And then, she was the one who supported me into the gutsy moves that started Art with Heart and all these other things? None of this would have happened if it hadn't been for Lisa's patience and curiosity
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