The whole concert was great~ and it kicked off questions of what brings people to adrenaline laden arenas? It was a blessing to see these folks in the flesh, the beat in your chest, the energy flowing, the electricity in the air the rush in your heart. If I hadn't been so dehydrated, I'd have cried. It felt like home. We met wonderful, giving and sweet people from Mexico City all the way to Louisiana. Ha ha!
But whats been stated before over and over, especially reiterated on Metal: A headbanger's journey , (more towards the end) metal concerts are so much about family and something even more intrinsic, a tribal mentality... a belonging with a group when everyone else, those "out there", seems to be a criticizing force.
"Criticizing force" and the need to get away from it... where does that need come from? Depends on who you talk to. Me? Many things created alienation in my earlier life and then several times later on in adulthood. In adulthood, the number one cause of alienation was ME. Seems sometimes we re-live that which we have not understood enough to change it. This is why, of course, you see children growing up to be abused in adulthood because they don't understand its been passed down to them from years of generational input. Yes, I got on the merry go round, too.
Hmmm... the criticizing force~ the part of my personality that still feels "there" comes from a time where I was a problem child and proud of it. It was said "Where Linda Roberts (my maiden name) went, trouble followed". It was true the tools other people had weren't available to me and what I could do with what I had wasn't good enough. It was really tough deal through a formative time and well, we can't choose what shapes us, right?
My hellraising was inherent, however. My paternal grandmother was a McCoy, as in the Hatfields and McCoys- something about them just made them hellraisers. They fought outside, they fought inside--- they just fought. If society wanted poodles, these people were the bulldogs of the world. There is a sociological reason for this, studies have been done on it, too. (See Born Fighting: How the Scots-Irish Shaped America and Historical Usage of the word Redneck) It has to do with the British invasion of the Scots-Irish and the need to hunker down and thwart off an enemy. Maybe Metal has a Celt tradition? It certainly has a few things in common... But certainly my love of heavy metal is genetic. Go ahead, laugh, I have :).
Seriously, some traits really are genetic, like the ones that bring a person to a metal concert. Like sensation seeking and boredom intolerance, see ADD and Creative Individual Trait comparison. I'd always been an adrenaline junkie- one of Mom's favorite stories is about me begging her to scare me. She'd hang out in the hall or lurk in the closets and jump out and scream. Dad wanted to tie both of us up by our tongues. Gosh, I must've been 2 or 3 at most? But when other little girls liked quiet tea parties, lace and barbie dolls and perfume, I wanted to dance on furniture, read books about Manson and paint "bad" things on the neighbors whirly gigs. Mom wanted so much for me to be into something Victorian and dainty. OK, well, I did like barbies, I guess, too, but rather posed them for portraits (yes, Lisa, I did) and taught them math. Still have the pics :) Sometimes I designed their houses, but always had them dressed to kill.
Anyway, then if you add that in with difficulty being bored (see low boredom tolerance they call it) and causing trouble just to maintain attention span in school.
Some of the practical jokes were pretty bad and they made it hard to be my friend because trouble almost always followed me. It was lonely sometimes because the "nice" kids steered clear and the ones just as wild flocked to me like seagulls after fries. I haven't grown out of it and don't believe I will~ God made me this way and made me this way for a reason. God has made other kids this way, too... but common teaching methods don't reach people like me. Lisa was this way, too, and we both took a bit more patience and understanding.
Common teaching methods have been called by some researchers a "pathology based system". What creates something "pathology based" is that it makes a person feel bad about themselves rather than good. If we mold and model children by telling them: no, don't do this, you've got to quit doing that, stop this, you're bad if you can't do that, why are you being stupid? All we are going to get are kids that feel horrible about themselves later--- but for now in the teenage years, there is all this energetic hate that builds. Gotta go somewhere.
What would help? Lordy, this is a hard one. Education is a good start. This might help.
What would have made my experience different? Now, there's this thing called "Learning Styles" . I'll post more about it later, but it was good looking it up for now.
Learning Styles and multiple intelligences
What this is about is appreciating yourself as you were created and cleansing the shame around what can be turned into gifts. And just being human :) Of course, there's stuff for everyone that does and maybe should create shame, but we're talking about the benign stuff.
I call it flying your freak flag~ usually its the thing that makes us individuals and authentic. Its funny that trying to eliminate our flaws/eccentricities/neuroticisms make us completely unhappy and ultimately emotionally sick. Interesting that people need to make peace with their freak flaggery to have peace. Maybe this is what the shadow in Jungian psychology is about?
What are they? Check out what Urban Dictionary says about Freak Flags. (addendum: go to urbandictionary.com and then type in Freak Flag if this link doesn't work.)
Where does it come from~ hmmm... The real freak flags might come from Spirit/God/HigherPower. Think of a man that walked on water and turned water into wine! How'd ya like to fly that one? And don't ya wonder what kinds of things He got teased or put down about?
God separated night and day~ interesting that all things have a light side and a shadow side that Jung acknowledged with his concepts, funny how human belief systems don't falter from that same thought :) You have a hard time sitting still, but can run a race faster than anyone at the tracks. You didn't hear the lecture because of the tone of voice the teacher had reminded you of a tune you couldn't wait to play on the guitar at home. Track star, music virtuoso.
I'm thinking that there are also "pseudo freak flags"~ those things bestowed upon us by not-so-loved-ones or loved ones in not- so- lovable- times. Pseudo freak flags- thats a new one, you know, its one of those things you were picked on so much you grew ashamed of it and then grew up all freaked out about it and later found out that it was, in fact, a blessing.
Its a riot to me that Einstein was picked on because he didn't speak til he was 3. There are other examples, too, but one among many of mine was that I didn't adhere to proper English in school; I made up my own words. People like that who make up their own words--- its a sign of creativity. Still today, I know rules of English, but choose to ignore it in favor for my own comfort and approval.
There is a good side to everything~
People who don't take direction well are often self starters and born leaders.
Impatient folks are naturally enthusiastic and ambitious.
Slow, picky folks make sure things are right.
Question is, what can we do to make the most of ourselves? Can't do much if most of the energy is spent fighting yourself.
If it wasn't such a big deal to fly one, we wouldn't have slang for the concept (or psychotherapists). Some folks give us shame, those who are unaccepting of us. Yet, many times we're stuck with them and then its time to decide not to be defined by someone else.
This'll end up being a painting. I had an image flash in my head of a woman in a cage (caged birds don't sing) and the bars were made of all these labels and limits that other people believed she had... but the bad thing about it was that she must've believed it, too, for she remained behind the bars. Succumbing to the bars of another's creation unfortunately is the fate of many great people. Taking on the belief of someone else. Simple wisdom in deciding to not hang around with people who don't like you as you are.
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