I don't think any of us really like awkward situations. When we can look at it as a personal challenge, something designed to strengthen us, then its viewed as a positive vehicle for growth. Oh, joy, but the other times when your butt is over a barrel.
The issue started when my computer went out and I had Christmas cards to make for a client at work. My computer is the hub of my work with Lisa Howell Photography, Art with Heart (information hand outs, creative things for the group in therapy,) organization, the paperwork for the non-profit---- you NAME IT. I love my jobs, which is why I'm a cyber work-aholic. It brings me great joy to say that....
I have WORK to do!
But computers don't care... and it went out anyway. The first time was when we got a new hard drive--- we backed everything up and it was fine, yet a pain, to get back up and running.
Then we downloaded what I thought was a virus.... had to wipe out everything and then start over fresh by reloading Windows and all the other programs necessary to sustain our work, business and creative life. Restart number two.
It continued to act bizarrely. The sound went out, the hardware wouldn't work.... the only thing that might have worked was the thumb drive~ and I say "might" because we didn't check it.
We get the computer guy over to check it.... he fixes what he can (the sound never came back!) but we decide to plug speakers into the earphone slots and just "make-do".
Stephen tries a few other things that evening to get the sound to work and BAMMO it goes out again. An argument ensues~~~~~
We get it wiped out and start over again. We load everything back onto it.... It looks like the Cosmos is against this poor woman ever getting her Christmas Cards done because just when the pc gets to a usable point- zap, it goes out again.
I download Windows updates (since the computer hasn't been updated for a week or more now) and then-- I swear, I can't make this up, it goes out again.
But- through all of the triumph and agony, we learn something:
IT IS THE WINDOWS UPDATES THAT IS CAUSING THE ISSUES!!!!! Every time window's updates finish and prompt a reboot, the system fails and can't be brought to life even in safe mode. No getting to a screen to "system restore", either.
Its not so much the stress and pressure of having one's hopes elevated and then dashed over and over again, its what it does to those around you~ If I thought some compensation would be available, I'd go for it. Lost time, lost work, lost clients, lost reputation.
Because in the meanwhile, I was supposed to have Christmas cards created for some clients--- which couldn't be done--- and then on top of that, in the distracting hustle reloading programs, I forgot an appointment. This poor woman had to drive from Pass Christian to Ocean Springs for nothing. Man o man... Well, her Christmas Cards are on me, thats the minimum of what should be done.
I called the lady, apologized and left my number on her answering machine and I'm having to deal with the fact that she hasn't called back. And why should she? From her perspective, I look like an irresponsible, lackadaisacal hoo hah.
To my boss/friend, I had to tell her that today was the first day that everything was loaded and ready to go, but I hadn't had the chance both load programs and work on this person's orders. Ugh---- and that politically, I thought it best for her to finish her order and let me take up two other orders because this lady is flat out- and justifiably-- p*ssed off at me.
No matter how uncomfortable this makes me- and it does- she probably isn't comfortable dealing with me and that is the important issue (or else she's have called back by now). I'd rather Lisa work with her and elevate her comfort level while I work with 10 other orders. I don't know if Lisa will take me up on the offer, but it still stands.
Personally? I'd like the opportunity to reconnect with the lady and have my apology be personal, but if that won't happen- it won't happen. Maybe a card would be best? Hmmm.
Being ok with the answer even when the answer is no.
The whole concert was great~ and it kicked off questions of what brings people to adrenaline laden arenas? It was a blessing to see these folks in the flesh, the beat in your chest, the energy flowing, the electricity in the air the rush in your heart. If I hadn't been so dehydrated, I'd have cried. It felt like home. We met wonderful, giving and sweet people from Mexico City all the way to Louisiana. Ha ha!
But whats been stated before over and over, especially reiterated on Metal: A headbanger's journey , (more towards the end) metal concerts are so much about family and something even more intrinsic, a tribal mentality... a belonging with a group when everyone else, those "out there", seems to be a criticizing force.
"Criticizing force" and the need to get away from it... where does that need come from? Depends on who you talk to. Me? Many things created alienation in my earlier life and then several times later on in adulthood. In adulthood, the number one cause of alienation was ME. Seems sometimes we re-live that which we have not understood enough to change it. This is why, of course, you see children growing up to be abused in adulthood because they don't understand its been passed down to them from years of generational input. Yes, I got on the merry go round, too.
Hmmm... the criticizing force~ the part of my personality that still feels "there" comes from a time where I was a problem child and proud of it. It was said "Where Linda Roberts (my maiden name) went, trouble followed". It was true the tools other people had weren't available to me and what I could do with what I had wasn't good enough. It was really tough deal through a formative time and well, we can't choose what shapes us, right?
My hellraising was inherent, however. My paternal grandmother was a McCoy, as in the Hatfields and McCoys- something about them just made them hellraisers. They fought outside, they fought inside--- they just fought. If society wanted poodles, these people were the bulldogs of the world. There is a sociological reason for this, studies have been done on it, too. (See Born Fighting: How the Scots-Irish Shaped America and Historical Usage of the word Redneck) It has to do with the British invasion of the Scots-Irish and the need to hunker down and thwart off an enemy. Maybe Metal has a Celt tradition? It certainly has a few things in common... But certainly my love of heavy metal is genetic. Go ahead, laugh, I have :).
Seriously, some traits really are genetic, like the ones that bring a person to a metal concert. Like sensation seeking and boredom intolerance, see ADD and Creative Individual Trait comparison. I'd always been an adrenaline junkie- one of Mom's favorite stories is about me begging her to scare me. She'd hang out in the hall or lurk in the closets and jump out and scream. Dad wanted to tie both of us up by our tongues. Gosh, I must've been 2 or 3 at most? But when other little girls liked quiet tea parties, lace and barbie dolls and perfume, I wanted to dance on furniture, read books about Manson and paint "bad" things on the neighbors whirly gigs. Mom wanted so much for me to be into something Victorian and dainty. OK, well, I did like barbies, I guess, too, but rather posed them for portraits (yes, Lisa, I did) and taught them math. Still have the pics :) Sometimes I designed their houses, but always had them dressed to kill.
Anyway, then if you add that in with difficulty being bored (see low boredom tolerance they call it) and causing trouble just to maintain attention span in school.
Some of the practical jokes were pretty bad and they made it hard to be my friend because trouble almost always followed me. It was lonely sometimes because the "nice" kids steered clear and the ones just as wild flocked to me like seagulls after fries. I haven't grown out of it and don't believe I will~ God made me this way and made me this way for a reason. God has made other kids this way, too... but common teaching methods don't reach people like me. Lisa was this way, too, and we both took a bit more patience and understanding.
Common teaching methods have been called by some researchers a "pathology based system". What creates something "pathology based" is that it makes a person feel bad about themselves rather than good. If we mold and model children by telling them: no, don't do this, you've got to quit doing that, stop this, you're bad if you can't do that, why are you being stupid? All we are going to get are kids that feel horrible about themselves later--- but for now in the teenage years, there is all this energetic hate that builds. Gotta go somewhere.
What would help? Lordy, this is a hard one. Education is a good start. This might help.
What would have made my experience different? Now, there's this thing called "Learning Styles" . I'll post more about it later, but it was good looking it up for now.
Learning Styles and multiple intelligences
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