Connecting Artists to the Community with Education, Therapy and Fun
One thing about being human is PAIN. Darn having a body that messes up and breaks down! Since Wednesday, my head, neck and back between my shoulders have hurt. I mean hurt. Smells, light and sounds made it worse, so I thought it was a migraine. It got so bad I couldn't move my eyes to the left or the right~ and this weather is making it worse- the humidity, ugh. Relief came in the form of a lyrica pill this morning- I even got to move around :) THANK YOU.
I even painted it last night, a small watercolor experiment that I might make larger (after this goes away). It really helped to put a face on it, put direction to it and color. The red is the searing pain behind the eyes and the jagged edges are what feels like rose thorns being pulled into my eye sockets. The green at the spinal area is the numb-tingling at the center of the source of pain. It radiates from the muscles at either side, however.
The pain isn't what stays, tho, what makes it so frustrating is missing the things special to this weekend: Saturday's playground build and art stuff, Sunday's painting a sign for the new Moss Point Police Chief for Donna. Not much got done, I'm sorry to say- except computer searches. I found a fibromyalgia site and it really made sense- so many other issues go along with fibromyalgia that I have as well. Thank goodness it goes away for a while.
All I can say is, that if I was supposed to do something for you this weekend- I'M SORRY.
I've come to view my mistakes as progress I've made in the recovery from perfectionism. Oh, but mistakes are so hard sometimes. I feel for all involved~ the poor person making the mistake and even the one on the other end, if there is another end. Sometimes we're lucky enough to have it just happen to us, like when we trip and skin a knee.
Unfortunately, thats not the case here~ I sure wish the newspaper put our website address in correctly, but I wasn't expecting how bizarre it feels being on the receiving end of the mistake. Not for the obvious reason, but having to report the mistake for correction doesn't feel good! Seeing anyone uncomfortable isn't comfortable and thats where we are. I just hope people eventually end up "home", here, in our own spot. I so feel for her and wish I could do something for her, I hope she remains "okay" all the way around.
The article was so beautifully put together, too, exact in every detail: except that we aren't affiliated with Seattle. They're a great group thats been emailed and called to clarify this with, so I asked if we could be collaborating on projects later on. Wouldn't that be fun? Two coasts in the pursuit of art and health.
Today's been bizarre all the way around. Elton was threatening Stephen and the cat walked on my laptop and turned on some feature that made the computer talk like Stephen Hawking. The cat taught me that we have a computer program called narrator and... I guess Elton is teaching us not to bend over near jealous natured ducks. Since mistakes teach us pretty often, I can't wait to see what comes of this.
Some quote somewhere stated that the person not making mistakes isn't living. Hopefully we will all make plenty of them.
(Avoiding mistakes, hmmm... This reminds me of perfectionsim... more on that later.)
A most unusual day, indeed~ maybe we can eventually get our building up and running? So many informative conversations, so little memory. I forgot the notebook and can't remember much of what they were about.
The jest is that we're looking for a building to store free desks for the kids and can't find one that is both empty and free (or REALLY cheap).
Some leads are hopeful, however~~~ more on that later.
What this is about is appreciating yourself as you were created and cleansing the shame around what can be turned into gifts. And just being human :) Of course, there's stuff for everyone that does and maybe should create shame, but we're talking about the benign stuff.
I call it flying your freak flag~ usually its the thing that makes us individuals and authentic. Its funny that trying to eliminate our flaws/eccentricities/neuroticisms make us completely unhappy and ultimately emotionally sick. Interesting that people need to make peace with their freak flaggery to have peace. Maybe this is what the shadow in Jungian psychology is about?
What are they? Check out what Urban Dictionary says about Freak Flags. (addendum: go to urbandictionary.com and then type in Freak Flag if this link doesn't work.)
Where does it come from~ hmmm... The real freak flags might come from Spirit/God/HigherPower. Think of a man that walked on water and turned water into wine! How'd ya like to fly that one? And don't ya wonder what kinds of things He got teased or put down about?
God separated night and day~ interesting that all things have a light side and a shadow side that Jung acknowledged with his concepts, funny how human belief systems don't falter from that same thought :) You have a hard time sitting still, but can run a race faster than anyone at the tracks. You didn't hear the lecture because of the tone of voice the teacher had reminded you of a tune you couldn't wait to play on the guitar at home. Track star, music virtuoso.
I'm thinking that there are also "pseudo freak flags"~ those things bestowed upon us by not-so-loved-ones or loved ones in not- so- lovable- times. Pseudo freak flags- thats a new one, you know, its one of those things you were picked on so much you grew ashamed of it and then grew up all freaked out about it and later found out that it was, in fact, a blessing.
Its a riot to me that Einstein was picked on because he didn't speak til he was 3. There are other examples, too, but one among many of mine was that I didn't adhere to proper English in school; I made up my own words. People like that who make up their own words--- its a sign of creativity. Still today, I know rules of English, but choose to ignore it in favor for my own comfort and approval.
There is a good side to everything~
People who don't take direction well are often self starters and born leaders.
Impatient folks are naturally enthusiastic and ambitious.
Slow, picky folks make sure things are right.
Question is, what can we do to make the most of ourselves? Can't do much if most of the energy is spent fighting yourself.
If it wasn't such a big deal to fly one, we wouldn't have slang for the concept (or psychotherapists). Some folks give us shame, those who are unaccepting of us. Yet, many times we're stuck with them and then its time to decide not to be defined by someone else.
This'll end up being a painting. I had an image flash in my head of a woman in a cage (caged birds don't sing) and the bars were made of all these labels and limits that other people believed she had... but the bad thing about it was that she must've believed it, too, for she remained behind the bars. Succumbing to the bars of another's creation unfortunately is the fate of many great people. Taking on the belief of someone else. Simple wisdom in deciding to not hang around with people who don't like you as you are.
